Farting in Yoga Class

Feb 07, 2025

I’m walking to a yoga class at Alchemy yoga.

It’s kind of the hipster place here. I actually took my first one that felt a little safe in terms of the judgment zone, but here it goes.

I decided to go the 12:30 class because the first two were meant for advanced students.

I’ve practiced yoga for years but haven’t been regular for the last two.

Not sure why, probably because I can’t stop serving others before myself if I’m honest but man I love it.

Honestly cannot figure out why they hold the beginner class at 12:30 in the heat of the day. Do they want my overweight and beginning muscles to completely tank right before them?

I would probably do that just because it’s funny.

So I’m walking to the judgy mcjudge yoga school of Ubud carrying a plastic water bottle.

I can hear the gasps.

Plastic?? Really? What about the earth?

Or maybe I’m simply judging myself before anyone else can do it.

I’ll stick with that because 90% of the time everyone else is worrying about themselves so they most likely won’t even notice.

Unless I fart in class.

And let’s be honest, it’s usually not a fart but air coming out an entirely different area of my body.

And once air gets in there with that first leg raise, it seems to keep coming out.

You know…. five babies and all.

At least we will all laugh while we are sweating our asses off.

I’m laughing right now as I write this.

I really like being alone- my company rocks.

I’m sitting in another bougie place 1/2 way called the Yellow Flower Cafe, and you can’t even park anywhere close to it.

It’s seriously in the middle of nowhere and yet everyone seems to know it exists because it’s packed.

I love the attention to detail in Bali. Every beam and piece of wood seems to matter to them. I love the textures and open concepts everywhere.

They can do that because well the weather is delightful to my soul even if I’m sweating balls.

I’ll just jump in the pool when I get back.

I ate here the other night with my bestie Brianna and I’m absolutely certain we didn’t eat dinner… we were dinner.

Hundreds of mosquito bites later, it is apparent that you do not go to dinner by rice fields at night.

So now I’m walking the rest of the way to spiritual guru haven, saying hi along the way to strangers.

It’s obvious I am a minority here. Folks from Europe and Australia and beautiful local Balinese infusing their beautiful energy everywhere you go.

It’s like fairy dust has been sprinkled on each experience I’ve had here from these magical people.

I always wonder how folks know immediately that I speak English and am from America.

Is there a sign on my forehead that says “arrogant”, I am from the higher species of life in the great land of pretend freedom(shit did I say that?)

Okay I won’t even get started, I prefer to live in my happy bubble of life pretending that our government isn’t taking a shit.

I walk into conscious collective and immediately catch someone’s eyes with a twinkling eye and gave me a compliment on my flower of life earrings.

I see two others drinking from plastic bottles.

What??

Perhaps I was the judge McJudger ….. interesting.

I’m usually quite confident and kind of like me a lot.

But super cute insecure Wendy sometimes shows up when I’m doing something new and want to reject others before they get a hold of me.

The only ones that I see that won’t make eye contact seem to be scanning themselves or hide in their phone like I’m doing right now.

Maybe their insecure versions are showing up a little too.

Hmmm… maybe I’ll walk into the yoga room right now with my crown on and help give permission to the rest of the people feeling the same things- that we can all be in this together.

Yep I like that.

Namaste for now