Surfing the Waves of Emotions
Feb 13, 2025
I found the CrossFit of yoga here on Bali.
It was actually recommended for beginners. I wonder what the advanced classes would be. Probably those amazing bodies that can put themselves in inversions and balance on their arms in unnatural positions.
Show-offs…..
I didn’t get the memo that there were towels available and so I quickly found my mat being more like a slip and slide than a sticky mat.
But damn I loved it.
Sweating, breathing, moving, bending, twisting. Yummy yum yum.
Right before I got concerned that I could finish the class we started holding poses and stretching.
It was such a vast difference than the class from the first day.
That one was chosen because it seemed less intimidating.
Slower with no music in a humble yoga studio but with amazing views.
No music except for an impromptu Hare Krishna singing songs of praise towards the end.
It was magical, like who lives this kind of life where random music just spontaneously happens at the exact perfect time?
And then walking back from class timed perfectly once again as I walk through the door - and rain comes pouring down in sheets.
My life.
My amazing magical freaking life.
That’s who.
Now I’m back at the yellow flower cafe to eat lunch since I could eat my arm after my class and ordered.
Right after ordering I saw a woman receive a plate of food so beautiful I thought I’d cry. I quickly asked the server if she could change it and of course, she said it was perfect timing because mine wasn’t made yet.
I love this synchronistic life I’m living.
Right after my palm reading appointment I walked out and saw the same woman I met in the sauna the other day.
We both were forgotten spa clients that got locked in the sauna together and formed a trauma bond through almost getting heat stroke.
Patterns. Notice the patterns.
The universe is indeed inviting me to know her. We kind of instantly clicked.
Her name is Rebecca and she is from Chicago but moved to Sydney.
I have always wanted to go to Australia. I’m thinking (which in the land of Wendy usually means doing) about going there on the way home and stopping for a few days.
Which leads me to another part of the yoga experience.
I have loved writing for several years, but since yesterday I’ve found this fun and witty part of me writing what I see and I can safely say I’m writing for me.
Today in pigeon pose I asked who this new voice is, and was told that is the real me.
The one I came here to find. The one I asked to hear once again.
The one that was drowned out by my need to listen to everyone else.
The voices that trumped her every time.
But now I found her.
Perhaps my anxiety wasn’t the fear of what would be said but the fear my body was expressing in terms of truly reuniting with the actual “me”.
She is fun and she is witty and she makes me giggle all the time.
I gave her a nickname.
I call her sassy. Or spazzy sassy because once she starts talking she doesn’t quiet down for a while, or swassy sassy if she’s hot and sweaty.
She isn’t afraid of talking to anyone and loves to make people smile and laugh.
I really like her a lot.
Maybe my anxiety did also have a touch of Dan’s anxiety.
He is on the struggle bus again. My heart pours out to him to send him light and love.
I talked to him again this morning. I feel it’s like riding a surfboard on Waimea Bay in Hawaii.
When I was a kid we went there as a family and thought we’d all be cute and dip our feet in the water.
Moments later the waves crashed on top of us and well…. If you’ve been there you know your head is ground into the sand like a pepper grinder.
It’s not fun.
The crazy whiplash ride started the moment we both decided it was in our highest and best selves for me to go on this adventure.
My ride has been challenging as I watch him knowing could get him safely to shore again if I simply said , “never mind I won’t go.”
But then I’d be frying on the beach once again getting burned over and over.
I’d rather be in the ocean riding the waves.
My heart goes out to him. I love and adore him but I will not save him anymore.
He never needed saving.
He still doesn’t.
No sirree my friends, I will not be flying back to the tree.
So right now I’m sending him waves of courage instead of waves of suffering energetically.
I pray he can either swim past the waves into the calm sea or be swept onto the beach so he can finally rest from the emotional waves.
I know he can and allow him to do it anyway that his journey takes him.
“I’d like to Interrupt this program for an important message”…..
Let’s pattern interrupt this last statement.
I shared this last entry with my friend Brianna and she encouraged me to write the last part this way. …..
Let’s proceed with the current programming.
My heart goes out to me. I love and adore me but I will not save me anymore.
I never needed saving.
I still don’t.
No sirree my friends, I will not be flying back to the tree.
So right now I’m sending me waves of courage instead of waves of suffering energetically.
I pray I can either swim past the waves into the calm sea or be swept onto the beach so I can finally rest from the emotional waves.
I know I can and allow me to do it anyway that my journey takes me.
Damn projection….
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